All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
