I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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