Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize