Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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