ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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