SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
