The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize