The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
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Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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