opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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