Pappa wants mamma naked
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
