I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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