So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
