I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
