wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
