do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
