Quick, to the slutcave!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
