i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
