It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize