capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
