Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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