Whod you bang
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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