I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
