ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
