so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
