That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers