i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you traded sex for a burrito?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.