ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...