Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think about you every night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
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Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it