Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
