I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
