your thong is hanging out like whoa
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
