Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
