Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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