marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
