She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
