I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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