So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
