I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize