Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
