he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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