Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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