maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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