i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
