She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
