So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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