I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
