Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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