She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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