You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
