im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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