forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
