i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
