Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
