conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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