So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
please come you make the beer taste better
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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