his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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