I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize