if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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