some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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