Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
