I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
