I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize