Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
