And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
