I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
