i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
