I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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