I want to walk on stilts...naked
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
