I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
