how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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