We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
