When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if only i could text you this smell
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
