Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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