Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And then my night got REAL pukey
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
