theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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