Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
