Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
