Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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