i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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