Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
