just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's never too late to be topless.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
