You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Enjoy the penises
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
