It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Four minutes until I can fart!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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