i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
