And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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