i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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