i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
